I surrender! {insert relaxed smile}…From What?…… you ask……
In response to The Troops (my kids) raising the Procrastination Nation flag …I put on my combat boots and raised the meddling Time Management Monitor flag.
Game on….
(Ok, this makes me literally laugh out loud…guffaw…note the similarity to the guy who rips off his duct tape in my Confessions post last week….mental note to self: No matter what ya try and call it … butting in gets ya the same results – wink–the fact I stumbled onto Battle Pics is even more of a clue to what will happen when Mom butts into “anything”!!!!!)
For anyone who has been following this blog, you know that I have “done my best” to stay out of the way of my kids’ school journey. It has been challenging for me since school (or lack of trying schoolwork) is a Hot Button for me! As we near the end of Semester One, all 3 of my kids have at least (shudder) one D. Some a few more. What is a former teacher and wife of an extreme MicroManager/Discipline Driven husband to do????? Justify/Pretend she is teaching Time Management strategies – Training them to Study – by whipping out the calendar and announcing (ok declaring) …..Study Hall.
- Would anyone one show up?
- Only if they wanted to continue having the Privilege of a Free iPhone! (My life would be so much simpler without Teens and Tweens with iPhones)
Some took the news better than others at the Family Meeting. Some have handled the actual Study Hall better than others.
DS13.0 seemed relieved to have some structure. He enjoyed making a list on Monday…got a lot done… but Tuesday…the overwhelming reality that he could possibly fail Science –in addition to all the other borderline grades… the procrastination consequences weighed heavy. He had a monumental meltdown…and in trying to find some sort of control declared the only thing he had power over… “And I am not eating or taking the rest of my antibiotics either!” Stomp, Slam, Throw, Slam Again, …. “And I don’t care!” (I bit at the no medicine declaration and said-Ok …then you owe me $80 bucks for the doc visit and meds… Cheeks Red with Shame… I could’t help myself!!!!! ….as you can imagine THAT really helped him out) Luckily he had an event at church. DH took him. It seemed he came home with a new outlook.
At the Family Meeting, DS11.11 put a big X through the calendar paper at the meeting (I’m sure it was meant to be Bull S**t…. or better yet F*** You… but I was cool as a cucumber…husband was twitching and sputtering…) On the flip side…he has handled sitting at the Study Hall table…even though he has pretty much done NOTHING but eat a bag of peanut butter pretzels and drink gallons of water over multiple hours. He did con me into reading aloud a chapter of his “no longer accepted-past deadline” Science Fiction novel: The Giver. It’s such a good book, I’m now sitting at the table re-reading it for about the 6th time. I knit at the Study Hall table too.
DD15.3 -the High School Freshman…knows she just needs to get it done. She did manage to throw some study strategies to the 6th grade brother…better from her than me. He still chose to keep eating pretzels and chasing them with water. Oh well. One day he will figure it …on his own…in his own time. Probably quicker if I recommit to butting out of it!
What did I discover? Watching procrastination makes me nutty—Send Me to the Nut Hut ….sort of nutty.
Trying to stay cool and unemotional while they waste hours of time is an act of extreme willpower (and I did not do it perfectly by any means). Before having a Mother of the Year meltdown, I excused myself “without duct tape”-but in a moderate, but still loud enough to everyone to hear voice…announcing I was going to bed. The time was 8:02 pm. Night Night. Good Bye Sweet Family. I will be needing extended Battery Recharging this evening.
I woke up with one of my comfortable mantras swirling in my head…
It is What It Is…
I have this on a charm…I wear it around my neck. I just finished polishing it and will wear it as my armor the rest of the week.
What it really boils down to is this…I am trying to save them from the ugly real-world lesson of…. failing. All my little “Time Management Training” is really nothing more than a last ditch helicopter rescue to swoop down and save the Troops. Shame on me for robbing them of the consequences of the final grade after a full semester of fully running their own educational journey (well at least the first quarter was their own!..I admit leaking into Quarter 2). All I really need to do is …let it play out…and then help them to reflect and personally consider different ways of entering next semester. (I am comforted in learning yesterday that students only need one semester with a passing grade to be promoted to the next year of middle school in our district)
I guess I’ll give myself a B for my efforts and progress this semester. Above Average…but room for improvement. Actually maybe a C… I butt in 2nd quarter! I will add + to it for being honest! This is a much better reporting than the comments from Ms. Goff, my kindergarden teacher who wrote:
“Mary needs to remember that she has much to learn!”
I believe I must have been a bit of a “Know It All Five Year Old”. HaHa… I’m sure I’ve instilled that same sort of bravado confidence in my kids! LOL. (Mental note…Modeling is teaching!) I think what rattled me the most was the “lack of cramming”… I mean if I was good at anything it was procrastinating…the difference… I buckled down and crammed like a hyper focused loon bird. I worked better with that intense focus. It was anxiety ridden…and I learned to find other strategies… Last night was crazy for me because they WEREN’T DOING IT MY WAY. ….. um that is an embarrassing revelation. I guess they have to have their own Procrastination Journey too! {Aha Moment}
After my feet hit the floor this morn, I entered the “Reading Room”….where I keep a well worn copy of Dan Millman’s The Law of Spirit: A Tale of Transformation.
Where I left off…
THE LAW OF SURRENDER: Embracing a Higher Will…Surrender means accepting this moment, this body, and this life with open arms. Surrender involved getting out of our way and living in accord with a higher will, expressed as the wisdom of the heart. Far more than passive acceptance, surrender uses every challenge as a means of spiritual growth and expanded awareness.
My bookmark is in the middle of the chapter (p. 95) …and these were the first words I read this morning:
“When, exactly, does this law apply in everyday life?”
“The sage laughed. ‘When does it not apply! Pick any circumstance you might normally reject, avoid, or resist; then surrender to it completely, turn it your way, and make the best of it. Surrender to your highest impulses as you work for positive change in your world. But, like the cat, don’t waste energy resisting or fretting over circumstances you can’t control.’ “
I stopped reading. That is all I need for today. There is no need for me to fret over “circumstances I can’t control”.
I happily surrender!
End note: The study table policy will still be in place this week-I just won’t be sitting at it-Making myself ‘nutty’. For every privilege there is a responsibility. They will choose their two hour study window. No study = No technology. As I said before…tween/teen technology is complicated and messy.
Parenting Teens 