Vicki Hoefle in Henderson, Nevada

My Parenting Guru/Mentor spent the day in my home town!

Vicki Hoefle came to Henderson, Nevada yesterday to speak to parents at Bob Miller Middle School.

With style, wit, and humor she shares the Five Principles of her book: Duct Tape Parenting 

(Sidenote: Vicki’s real talent is that of a Stand Up Comic -Parenting Consultation is just her “Day Job”)

We all  laughed and giggled and absorbed two hours of “Pearls of Wisdom” about her

Less is More approach to raising responsible, respectful, and resilient kids who will be ready to walk into their lives with confidence and enthusiasm! -VH

Click PENCAST to listen to the Presentation and Q&A Session.

She spoke of Parenting Warriors

You understand what’s at stake. That it’s not our personal prestige that is at stake – that is momentary. It’s our children’s ability to step into their lives at 18 with the skills they need to celebrate adulthood and make the most of it!

5 Things are Crucial for Parents to Model for their Kids – It’s our Job!

• Healthy Relationships
• Self-Control and Self-Discipline
• Organizing Life Tasks
• Emotional Health
• The world is more than just this moment

Sign me up!  I’m ready to be a WARRIOR!

ROCK ON!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adventures at the DMV

After about 6.5  hours and waiting in many lines, DD 15.5 has secured a Nevada Driver’s Permit.

It is very interesting in Nevada! Before they ever allow a kid to get behind the wheel to drive, they need to pass the written test which includes (but is not limited to…)  every rule, regulation, fine, speed limit, driving technique for poor weather, what to do if your accelerator gets stuck or if your brakes skid… how many feet ahead to signal, how many inches from the curb can one park – feet to drive between cars- points for reckless driving…and running a stop sign… colored curbs, shapes of signs….  I don’t think I could have passed it!  Wink.

She is an official Student Driver.  (No this is not the car we are making her practice with…)

 

She has 6 months to prepare for the Driver’s Performance Test.  This will NOT be part of our “Family Curriculum”…but it’s funny:

 

Kidding Aside…. She will be a great driver.

However…

We got to have many “minutes” together in our Adventures at the DMV this week.

Here are some of my favorite quotes:

“Wow…I guess I do know how to study!”

“Get on the freeway?  I don’t know how I feel about that…” (she says 15 minutes into the first lesson)

“I’m doing it …I did it” (she says getting off the freeway 3 miles later)

 

Let the real adventures begin.

 

Things That Come in Fours

As a elementary math teacher, I taught kids to understand multiplication by searching for things in their world that come in groups.

Things that come in fours are:

• Legs on a horse
• Quarters in a dollar
• Sides on a square

Another thing … The Four Mistaken Goals of Behavior

I just finished listening to Chapter FOUR (crazy coincidence) of Parenting on Track by Vicki Hoefle.  I’m on Round Two of the 12 week program.  (…not doubt in mind there will be a Round Four….Eight….Twelve and more multiples of 4 before I’m finished on this journey!)

I’ve learned to remember that a Misbehaving Child is a Discouraged Child.  All any child wants… is to BELONG to the family and to his or her world.  They want to feel significant.

Most misbehaviors can fall into one of four categories:

• Undue Attention
• Power
• Revenge
• Avoidance/Assumed Inadequacy

My Bandaid blogpost summed it up in Round 1.  All of my kids, on any given day, move around these four arenas if they are feeling discouraged.  My challenge is to not fall into old useless parenting strategies.  So I went hunting on Vicki’s Blog for some new insight.

Think, Look, Plan….Do  (Note another FOUR step strategy!)

THINK

It’s important to stop and think: parenting problems are not really problems, they are SYMPTOMS of either a fractured relationship or lack of training or both -VH

LOOK

• Look at the relationship
• Look at the training
• Look at the behavior

PLAN

Once the entire situation has been put into perspective, I’d plan to work on the relationship and training the child. -VH

DO

• Refrain from quick-fix responses to kids’  behavior. (No bandaids on bulletwounds)
• Take time to implement the relationship plan. (Invest in the relationship)
• Practice routines, but NOT during problems. (Take time for training)
• Be patient and celebrate success. (Focus on what I want more of)
• Train to clean up their own messes. (Quit being the maid)
• Encourage them to participate authentically in their life. (Prepare her for departure)

For more great insight…

The Road of Love

Take Time to Pause

Raising the White Flag

I surrender! {insert relaxed smile}…From What?…… you ask……

In response to The Troops (my kids) raising the Procrastination Nation flag …I put on my combat boots and raised the meddling Time Management Monitor flag.

Game on….

(Ok, this makes me literally laugh out loud…guffaw…note the similarity to the guy who rips off his duct tape in my Confessions post last week….mental note to self: No matter what ya try and call it … butting in gets ya the same results – wink–the fact I stumbled onto Battle Pics is even more of a clue to what will happen when Mom butts into  “anything”!!!!!)

For anyone who has been following this blog, you know that I have “done my best” to stay out of the way of my kids’ school journey.  It has been challenging for me since school (or lack of trying schoolwork) is a Hot Button for me! As we near the end of Semester One, all 3 of my kids have at least (shudder) one D.  Some a few more.  What is a former teacher and wife of an extreme MicroManager/Discipline Driven husband to do?????  Justify/Pretend she is teaching Time Management strategies – Training them to Study – by whipping out the calendar and announcing (ok declaring) …..Study Hall.

• Would anyone one show up?
• Only if they wanted to continue having the Privilege of a Free iPhone!  (My life would be so much simpler without Teens and Tweens with iPhones)

Some took the news better than others at the Family Meeting.  Some have handled the actual Study Hall better than others.

DS13.0 seemed relieved to have some structure.  He enjoyed making a list on Monday…got a lot done… but Tuesday…the overwhelming reality that he could possibly fail Science –in addition to all the other borderline grades… the procrastination consequences weighed heavy.  He had a monumental meltdown…and in trying to find some sort of control declared the only thing he had power over… “And I am not eating or taking the rest of my antibiotics either!” Stomp, Slam, Throw, Slam Again, ….  “And I don’t care!” (I bit at the no medicine declaration and said-Ok …then you owe me $80 bucks for the doc visit and meds… Cheeks Red with Shame… I could’t help myself!!!!!  ….as you can imagine THAT really helped him out)  Luckily he had an event at church.  DH took him.  It seemed he came home with a new outlook.

At the Family Meeting, DS11.11 put a big X through the calendar paper at the meeting (I’m sure it was meant to be Bull S**t…. or better yet  F*** You… but I was cool as a cucumber…husband was twitching and sputtering…)  On the flip side…he has handled sitting at the Study Hall table…even though he has pretty much done NOTHING but eat a bag of peanut butter pretzels and drink gallons of water over multiple hours.  He did con me into reading aloud a chapter of his “no longer accepted-past deadline” Science Fiction novel: The Giver.  It’s such a good book, I’m now sitting at the table re-reading it for about the 6th time. I knit at the Study Hall table too.

DD15.3 -the High School Freshman…knows she just needs to get it done.  She did manage to throw some study strategies to the 6th grade brother…better from her than me.  He still chose to keep eating pretzels and chasing them with water.  Oh well. One day he will figure it …on his own…in his own time. Probably quicker if I recommit to butting out of it!

What did I discover? Watching procrastination makes me nutty—Send Me to the Nut Hut ….sort of nutty.

Trying to stay cool and unemotional while they waste hours of time is an act of extreme willpower (and I did not do it perfectly by any means).  Before having a Mother of the Year meltdown, I excused myself “without duct tape”-but in a moderate, but still loud enough to everyone to hear voice…announcing I was going to bed. The time was 8:02 pm.  Night Night.  Good Bye Sweet Family.  I will be needing extended Battery Recharging this evening.

I woke up with one of my comfortable mantras swirling in my head…

It is What It Is… 

I have this on a charm…I wear it around my neck.  I just finished polishing it and will wear it as my armor the rest of the week.

What it really boils down to is this…I am trying to save them from the ugly real-world lesson of…. failing.  All my little “Time Management Training” is really nothing more than a last ditch helicopter rescue to swoop down and save the Troops.  Shame on me for robbing them of the consequences of the final grade after a full semester of fully running their own educational journey (well at least the first quarter was their own!..I admit leaking into Quarter 2).  All I really need to do is …let it play out…and then help them to reflect and personally consider different ways of entering next semester.  (I am comforted in learning yesterday that students only need one semester with a passing grade to be promoted to the next year of middle school in our district)

I guess I’ll give myself a B for my efforts and progress this semester.  Above Average…but room for improvement.  Actually maybe a C… I butt in 2nd quarter!  I will add + to it for being honest!  This is a much better reporting than the comments from Ms. Goff, my kindergarden teacher who wrote:

“Mary needs to remember that she has much to learn!”  

I believe I must have been a bit of a “Know It All Five Year Old”.  HaHa… I’m sure I’ve instilled that same sort of bravado confidence in my kids!  LOL. (Mental note…Modeling is teaching!)  I think what rattled me the most was the “lack of cramming”… I mean if I was good at anything it was procrastinating…the difference… I buckled down and crammed like a hyper focused loon bird.  I worked better with that intense focus.  It was anxiety ridden…and I learned to find other strategies… Last night was crazy for me because they WEREN’T DOING IT MY WAY.  ….. um that is an embarrassing revelation.  I guess they have to have their own Procrastination Journey too!  {Aha Moment}

After my feet hit the floor this morn, I entered the “Reading Room”….where I keep a well worn copy of Dan Millman’s The Law of Spirit: A Tale of Transformation. 

Where I left off…

THE LAW OF SURRENDER: Embracing a Higher Will…Surrender means accepting this moment, this body, and this life with open arms.  Surrender involved getting out of our way and living in accord with a higher will, expressed as the wisdom of the heart.  Far more than passive acceptance, surrender uses every challenge as a means of spiritual growth and expanded awareness.

My bookmark is in the middle of the chapter (p. 95) …and these were the first words I read this morning:

“When, exactly, does this law apply in everyday life?”

“The sage laughed. ‘When does it not apply! Pick any circumstance you might normally reject, avoid, or resist; then surrender to it completely, turn it your way, and make the best of it. Surrender to your highest impulses as you work for positive change in your world. But, like the cat, don’t waste energy resisting or fretting over circumstances you can’t control.’ “

I stopped reading.  That is all I need for today. There is no need for me to fret over “circumstances I can’t control”.

I happily surrender!

End note:  The study table policy will still be in place this week-I just won’t be sitting at it-Making myself ‘nutty’.  For every privilege there is a responsibility.  They will choose their two hour study window.  No study = No technology. As I said before…tween/teen technology is complicated and messy.

Confessions of a Duct Tape Remover

What happened to me?

Dang New Years “Goals”! Just as I decided to go CALM for 2014….something odd happened….

I ripped off my duct tape.

OUCH!  {Note to self…duct tape removal is NOT calm}

Ok Blog Followers…maybe human graphics are too painful to view….I will switch it up to cartoons. Wink.

Poor Spongebob…he looks a bit raw.  Sort of how I was feeling last night.  Along with tired… drama is draining! (See Endnote)

Any good Duct Tape Parent reflects on the reasons for the duct tape removal.  This proves to be especially useful as I pull out the roll of tape and start applying it liberally to all aspects of my Parental Being.  The reflection process is very easy and can be done while all tucked into a warm cozy bed with lights off in the quiet of the night.

Why did I feel the need to get all involved in my kids’ world’s the last few days? (See Endnote)

I’m going to try and blame it on the “start of the year” healthy juice cleanse.  Cleanse the body, cleanse the mind????  Ok, that is a lame excuse.  No really…maybe it was the sugar “imbalance -rebalance” that caused me to jump ship and start trying to figure out how I was going to “train” my kids to time-manage next week’s semester finals.  Or maybe….it was cabin fever with a sick kid for three days that got me all “maternal” and feeling the need to “heal all wounds”.  Oh Oh… I got it … I was a ding bat! {I say this in the most loving way to myself with humor and a wink and kindness that we are all human}

Schoolwork is a hot button for me. Rather, not “doing schoolwork” is the button.  This school year I pledged to get out of my kid’s way, put on duct tape, and let them have their own educational experience.  (See: Buttons! What Buttons? post) My young Male Cubs are experimenting with what happens to your grades when one fails to turn in work or study for tests.  It has been a learning experience for me to try and stay out the way.

The real reality in my household is that my kids are starting to “act up” as the semester comes to an end.  I could sense the emotions (those feelings that crop up from extreme procrastination) and I began trying to “encourage”.  (In reality…I was slowing peeeeeling back the duct tape and trying to be sneaky and sly and HELP them).  Even the best intentioned help can start to cause problems.  But hey, I am still growing into my own new parenting skin.  Learning myself.  Learning is messy!  ….and I started to feel like all their choices could be explained because I hadn’t properly trained them to study.  As I slowly “took on” my kid’s choices to go out and play instead of doing homework (and all the other noodling techniques that kept them from doing their schoolwork) I started to have all the flashbacks from my own choice-making. {Danger Will Robinson}.

The challenge of Getting Out of My Kid’s Way– is learning how to batten down the hatches and be ready for the storm of watching my kids learn hard lessons.  As the Wise Old Owl, I have a pretty good idea of all the consequences that come with failing a class.  {Ummmm… yes… first hand knowledge from doing it myself in college.  It sucks.}  For most of us parents, we don’t want to see our kids hurt.  Shielding kids can come in so many forms:  warning, lecturing, fixing, saving….  Well intentioned moves, but mess makers none the less!  {Wink}.

The good news:  I did use better strategies this week.  The Old MM (Micromanager Mom) would have been sending emails to all the teachers or even worse…jumping on the phone to collect deadlines for the missing assignments.  I would have sprung into action mode and started getting everyone “organized” and forced a time schedule to study.  I would have TAKEN OVER and become a Domestic Drill Sergeant.

Confession:  I actually did pull up blank calendars but I “suggested” they fill in their study schedule.  Hey, a gal has to Train her Troops.  And after all… technology privileges in this home are tied to attempting schoolwork … Missing Assignments for Ds and Fs = Missing Cellphones {dang pesky technology!!!!  If I hadn’t indulged my wee ones with iPhones… I wouldn’t be in most of my parenting messes}.

But…this week I also…

… used questioning strategies/conversations with my kids.  I encouraged them.  I complimented their courage.  I shared my own experiences.  ….. we communicated !!!!  And because I went at it with motivation to build a relationship with my kids… I learned a lot about them.  I feel like we “built” some things. Overall…there is progress being made by all!

They are learning their life lessons… So Am I!  When they don’t do assignments…it is a bummer.  When I take off my duct tape….yep…. BUMMER!

So tape me up Sully!

****ENDNOTE:

The real Duct Tape Removal happened more in the “village” than with my kids.  (Hey that is progress).  As I watched my youngest “struggle with things”…his sport world got muddled up in his verbal processing.  As DH and I “decided” to keep the duct tape on about his team/club, other families were having similar issues….and…. so…. {cheeks red with shame}

….I entered the drama…. (oh the horror!)

But…I’m pleased to say…I only stayed in DramaLand for less than 24 hours.  (i’m gonna continue to protect my ego and blame the juice cleanse reaction for part of it!)

Ending this post with my final thought… although the words sort a… kind a…sound the same…

Calm and Drama do not go together.

2014 Be Calm Mom……{No Drama Mama}

Duct Tape can certainly help to stay the course.

Road Construction Ahead

It’s time to get down to business and create my parenting “Road Map”. (See “Are We There Yet…NOPE!”)

My DH suggested that we take some time and go back to the beginning.  I resist the obvious response “You are right honey!”… and spend some time verbally processing (in a loud passionately toned voice)…until I got to a clear vision – time to get the Parenting Road Map off the brainstorming board and move it toward construction mode.

I have to remind myself to Take It Slow!  Be Patient! Don’t expect to undo 15 years in 8 weeks.  There is some major “Road Work” to be done at our house! It is going to be messy and full of detours.  We have tweens and teens who are very used to living life with a lot of privileges and hints of entitlement. {Let’s be honest…full blow entitlement}  Our attempt to add some responsibilities to those privileges is causing some “fender benders” and “bumper bashing”.  The sounds of traffic are getting kind of loud and we are trying really hard not to put on our Traffic Cop whistles and start directing the chaos.

So…it’s time to define our goals and get some action statements that can be “measured”.  Just like any other good goal setting activity!  DH and I have narrowed our starting point to two ideas/beliefs/words:

• TRUST
• RESPECT

I’m a visual/art girl, so I’ve started a themed poster on RESPECT.  It has our family brainstorms from the last two family meetings.

For my own clarity, I started googling RESPECT and added a few graphics:

For me…valuing others can be the foundation of building “Mutual Respect” for our family.  Through Parenting on Track, I’ve shifted my thinking from disciplining to building a relationship with my kids —and from that platform I need to model respect so that they can see and believe that I value their ….

• ideas
• opinions
• preference
• personal space
• …their entire beings

I have to model for them that I TRUST them to make decisions and learn from their mistakes.  

I have to BELIEVE this approach/philosophy is the best road to travel toward developing kids who will respect themselves, their family, their community, and their world.  I want them to trust themselves, trust others, and understand that the quality of being TRUSTWORTHY is one of those big pillars of life.  Vicki Hoefle speaks of her roadmap being guided by RADICAL FAITH. (I’m going to borrow that one for awhile until my “mantra” reveals itself.)

I want my kids to know that I have Radical Faith in them. I want them to develop Radical Faith for themselves.  I will do that by trying to live with Radical Faith every day.

{Ok…I’m getting deep and reflective…. I’m discovering that is a requirement for Parenting with Purpose… as I say…this is “Under Construction”}

I like trees.

They seem to ground my thinking! I believe that growth can be represented as a huge oak tree. Deep, deep, thick roots holding a trunk that thickens with wisdom and age.  The branches are the many roads we take and decisions we try and choices we make.  Sometimes branches fall off because they are no longer needed – or things need to be trimmed so that the tree can continue to grow and flourish. It can withstand harsh weather and morphs and changes through many different seasons.

Before our oldest daughter, DD15, came into our lives, I based my parenting goal on the idea of “Roots and Wings”.  I will do my best to provide the deepest, thickest, intertwined root system so that when it is time for my kids to fly they will be strong, resilient, courageous …. young adults.  They will believe they CAN do anything, TRY anything, BE anything they want to be.  Respect and Trust are some good tools!  We will start with those….

Our launching point…we have to TRUST them to grow!  

We have come a LONG LONG way in a 2 months.  We used to bark “Be more respectful!”, “How can I trust you?” “You need to build our trust”!  We were micromanaging their schedules, meals, ….telling them when to shower, when to do their homework… how to do it…and we shared this information in tones of frustration, pretend patience, mixed up with a little sarcasm,  annoyance…and sadly (shame on us) some disgust drippings.  YIKES!

So…I’m sketching out my/our Road Map….. here goes at the long range view of it…

We are parents who believe in TRUST.  We show this to our kids by:

1. Allowing our kids to make decisions for themselves that are safe and respectful so that they will trust in themselves!
2. Saying Yes before we say NO
3. Modeling trust by …honoring personal space and preferences AND communicating openly, honestly and respectfully.
4. Making agreements and keeping our promises
5. Living with integrity with no hidden agendas

How the heck are we going to do all that amazing parent stuff?

Allow kids to grow to believe in themselves by

• Use the Timeline for Training to watch and acknowledge what they can do to help them gain confidence
• Use duct tape to stay quiet (and butt out) so they develop confidence. It will show them we have FAITH in them and TRUST them.  We will model that it is ok to make mistakes while learning. No parental eye-rolling, I told you so, interfering, sharing of opinions, giving of advise…DUCT TAPE deluxe.
• Focus our attention on the relationship instead of strategies to boss them around and deflate their progress in growth.  Use the 4Cs and Encouragement rather than junk food praise.

Say Yes More

• Watch and Observe
• Allow them to try things we predict will be a mess
• Use the strategy of Yes, Show Me…to move them toward Privileges by showing Responsibility (P&R)
• Believe they will work through their problems without OUR solutions

Model Honest and Respectful Speaking

• Use duct tape until I can learn to hold my tongue
• Think about my words, then speak honestly, openly, with a respectful tone
• Speak to my kids like I would speak to adults in the community- or my friends – or strangers

Honoring Personal Space and Preferences

• Refrain from judging how they dress, when they shower, how they wear their hair, how they schedule their time.
• Require them to detail their personal bedrooms only one time per month, and be quiet about what it looks like the rest of the month.

Make Agreements and Keep Promises

• Be consistent with sticking to agreements
• Do what I say, Model what I expect
• Share out loud how I do this as an adult in the real world

Living with Integrity and No Hidden Agendas

• Be real, be honest when no one is looking
• Be honest with ourselves– and our kids
• No tricky parenting. No trying to get them to do something without their input for decision making.

So…I’ve got some weekly and daily road maps to work on…but at least we are “Under Construction”… We are a few steps closer to involving the kids in the creation of a family mission statement.  But first, we will work through biting off a few of these pieces at a time…nurturing the roots of our tree.

For now….

*

PS….For more information ….Check out Vicki’s Web Event Replay: Creating a Parenting Roadmap for Success

I’m Trading in for Glass Slippers

I must confess, the “I am not Cindy” phrase comes from my sister-in-law-EH.  It is her Words With Friends game-name.  But it is fitting for my new transformation.

And the universe brought my family a present tied with a Big Bow:  My cleaning lady announced TODAY that her doctor has ordered her to take off at least 2-3 months to rest her hip and back.  I was actually toying with the idea of cutting her back to only once a month-but I think Vicki called her and told her make up a fake injury so that my kids can feel some good ol’ fashioned self-worth–the kind that comes from WORK. (wink).

• Five Reasons to Quit Your Job as the Maid offers some great motivation.
• How to Quit as the Maid got me thinking that I will need a few foundation pieces in place.

In the stage of DNSN (Do Nothing, Say Nothing), our kids got this crazy notion that they now live at Disneyland.  It is my “impression” that they believed Cinderella and her Fairy Godmothers would eventually pick up the whirlwind disaster.  As we challenged ourselves to wear duct tape all over our bodies – and stop interfering – we saw some of our basic house rules swirl down the drain.  On the other hand, we gained some amazing insight to our kids (aged 11, 12…and as of this week 15) –and overall— they can do amazing things.  Even some basic housework tasks got attempted and accomplished successfully this week.

But to survive AND become a YES parent, requires for us to revisit some of our rules – oh..ummm… they are now going to be called Guidelines.  My DD15 will -I’m sure- exclaim with another of her: “Who Talks Like That?” {drumroll …for the… eye-roll}  Haha.

I’m going with the KISS method (Keep It Simple Stupid):

We are rolling this out tonight at the Family Meeting, along with the “published” technology guidelines.  My husband likes “order and discipline”…we can serve up some order….BUT….The look of discipline has transformed, like a pumpkin into a carriage,  when it is all wrapped up in duct tape.  (Ok, couldn’t resist the Cinderella reference).

But kids like boundaries…and we are serving them up with a smiles, kindness and empathy. Or trying to without looking like we have clenched teeth or botox freeze. (Who does that?)

Our new buzz phrase/mantra:

Yes…As soon As YOU….

• Clean Up the Common Area (aka Pick Up All of Your SH*T, before I haul if off to the GoodWill)
• Make Your Lunch (since you have spent all your Allowance on High Fructose Corn Syrup and are acting like a maniac/mood swinging monkey and now that I’m not buying any carbs/snacks you are ready to eat pencils.)
• Clear Your Plate (really? How hard is that? ….{and I have to say} then what comes next (scrape)….and what happens after scrapping? (into the dishwasher)–note: trash can AND dishwasher are left open)
• Organize Your Gear (…because I will blow my brains out if I have to look at your dirty smelly socks all over my office floor for even one more minute-and grab those shoes and backpack and sport gear and water bottles and wrappers and and and while you are at it–really you are only going to pick up one of them????)
• Have a Calm Voice (because your meltdown -from not enough boundaries & too much sugar- is killing all of us and duct tape doesn’t let me laugh my A$$ off at you either)

Ummm…  Duct Tape doesn’t let me finish my sentences anymore!

I’m off to the Royal Ball.

“Hotel Ruetten” is closing for renovations

Somewhere along the way, my family (mostly my kids) started living life as if our home were a hotel.  I took on the role of concierge, manager, chauffeur, food service coordinator, cook,…and maid.

Early in our marriage, my husband and I budgeted for housecleaning help because we both worked hard and wanted to enjoy other things in our free time.  My kids, have enjoyed the benefits of our hard work – and I will admit, we like our house neat and tidy – and I am guilty of not teaching them how to do any housework.  (What was I thinking? I’m a dingbat).

In Week 3 of Parenting on Track (POT), we were introduced to Timeline for Training.

At last week’s Family Meeting, we told the kids were were going to train them to run a household.

WHY?  (Vicki Hoefle sums it up on page 141 of Duct Tape Parenting):

1. Because you will eventually leave us and go off to college, or a job, or travel, …you will start your life and we want to make sure you don’t have to move back home because you can’t manage your own life.
2. It’s the only way to ensure that we will not nag, remind, scold, lecture, or threaten you about helping around the house.
3. If you want us to spend more time talking, hanging out, driving you places…we will need some help because we can’t do it all.  Would rather have me be your Mom or the Maid?

The kids looked at us like we were crazy aliens from some outer space planet.

…or maybe that look was when I handed them a list of things that Vicki shared with us on what kids aged 0-18 years old can and should do…. (I’m learning that handouts make my kids think they are at school.  The teacher in me always likes to have a visual/paper take away…I’m not going to bother with that for awhile -wink)

But..we have been watching for a few weeks to see what they can and cannot do…and what they choose NOT to do. We shared a long long list of what they can do…so we have challenged them to “contribute” to the family this week by clearing their utensils, cups, plates—scraping them—and putting them in the dishwasher. (Remember my kids have been living in a very fancy 5 Star Hotel)

Sounds easy enough…. well….

We have more training to do!

…It is really a challenge to not rip off the duct tape and start hinting, reminding, dictating… I don’t want my kids to be spoiled-rotten-entitled-PITAs when they leave the house.  I had some of those for roommates in college.  So, I went hunting for inspiring words on Vicki’s Blog this morning.

Here are a few of my favorite blog posts:

Don’t Spoil Kids, Train Them  (15+ amazing links to fantastic articles)

and

The Proper Way of Training Children (Challenging me to be aware-and make simple shifts in thinking)

MY BIGGEST MOTIVATION comes from a few things shared in our class this week:

• ” To raise leaders, they have to be in charge of their own life.  Micromanaged kids are more likely to be followers”.
• “If we still need to remind kids, they are lacking the skills to be independent”.
• “Don’t do for others, what they can do for themselves”
• “Imagine if your children felt confident about their ability to manage their life, looking forward to growing up, felt supported and encouraged by their parents, had plenty of practice, made lots of mistakes and learned from them, and trusted you because you trusted them…WHAT KIND OF FUTURE WOULD YOUR CHILDREN WALK INTO?” – Vicki

MY NEXT STEP:

Quit my job as the Maid!  (Say WHAT????)

I’m getting ready to jump off that cliff soon!