The Crucial Cs are a powerful proactive tool developed by Amy Lew and Betty Lou Bettner to empower and encourage kids as they move toward adulthood. “Using the Crucial Cs on a regular basis helps children develop a cooperative nature, become self reliant and take responsibility for their words and actions. It also helps children contribute in positive ways and gain the courage necessary to enter adulthood with confidence and enthusiasm” (quoted from page 44 of Parenting on Track Study Guide)
Giving my kids daily doses of C should help me shift my focus, time, and energy to enhancing my kids and our relationship. What are the Cs?
CONNECT
- People who feel connected enjoy cooperating
- I belong
- I have a place in this family
- I feel secure
- Replace negative attention with positive attention. Don’t ignore the child. Ignore the misbehavior.
- {Attention Seekers just want and need more connections}
CAPABLE
- People who feel capable are self-reliant
- I can do it! {You can do it}
- I feel competent {I believe in you}
- I have self-control
- Willing to take responsibility for choices and actions
- Don’t try to win power struggles. Give choices so that the child can display power constructively.
- {Power kids need more empowerment}
COUNT
- People who feel they count want to contribute
- I matter
- I am significant
- I have value
- I make a difference in the success of my family
- Avoid anger and hurt feelings. Maintain appreciation. Offer chances to help out. Don’t give up
- {Hurt kids seek revenge and need to know they matter}
COURAGE
- People who have courage have resilience
- I can take risks because there is nothing I can’t handle
- I can bounce back from mistakes
- I am hopeful and willing to try
- Notice only strengths and ignore the negative. No criticism. Step up easy steps that have a guarantee of success.
- (Avoidance kids need to see that their courage can get them through anything!}
Our homework is do each of the Cs three times a day (4 x 3 = 12) with each of the kids… x3 is 36.
I should probably throw in at least 1 of each to my husband per day…and a few more in the mirror at myself. That’s a bunch of vitamins.
{I”m a teacher…so I need to do the math to get a handle on this!}
One veteran PonT parent writes herself sticky notes – basically preplans her comments for the day. I am going to give that serious consideration. After 6 days of trying my homework…not sure I’ve even gotten to each kid with each of the 4 Cs once a day…let alone 3x per day. But I’m celebrating awareness!
Another aha moment… Parenting with Intention is challenging. This experience has helped me walk in my kids’ shoes. I ask them to get up everyday, and go to school, and learn new things. I should not ask them to do something that I am not willing to do-Learn-Try-Stumble-Pick Up and Go On.
If I want a thinking kid…I have to be a thinking parent.
Vicki suggests that I get some help from my kids…so I need to find the time and place to ask…
- What makes you feel connected to our family? (Connect)
- When do feel happiest about being part of our family? (Connect)
- What do you think you do well? (Capable)
- What can we do, as your parents, to encourage your independence? (Capable)
- How do you think you make a difference in our family? (Count)
- What makes you feel valuable? (Count)
- How do you feel you contribute to our family? (Count)
- How do we let you know what your strengths are? (Courage)
- What can we do or say that you would find encouraging? (Courage)
This “adventure” in parenting improvement has gotten a bit bumpy. I’m still committed to using the duct tape…but it is so tempting to take it off to move along some of our long term goals. I need to remember it has only been about 6 or 7 weeks. Patience is a requirement! (I’m just beginning to figure out how to muster that up…Did I mention I have taken up knitting???)
Duct Tape Parenting is…. a monumentally humbling experience. I think I’ve revealed some really crazy assumptions (ASSUME…makes an A$$ of U and ME) that parenting would come as naturally as breathing. Time for some humor….I need Super Mom vitamins….in addition to personal pep talks of Vitamin C.
And as I teach courage to my kids…I need to remind myself…
Parenting Teens 